love

i find myself lonely a lot lately.
don't get me wrong, i have friends. i have family. i love them all.
i'm talking that kinda lonely in that you want companionship.

i don't have that someone to cuddle with. i don't have that someone to hold me. i don't have that someone to give sweet kisses to. i don't have that someone to love me for myself and my imperfections. (friends&family don't count.) i don't have that someone to run and cry to for help when the world is sitting on my shoulders. i don't have someone to hold hands with. i don't have someone to sit out on the porch with and star gaze with me.

and i know what you're thinking: desperate.

i wouldn't say that. i'd say i'm experiencing a feeling God created me to feel; the longing for companionship.

i'm also scared as anything to get so close to someone again, because i had my heart broken. i feel like i push myself away from a dood if he tries to have a relationship with me. why do i do this? i have come down to two reasons of why i do this:

1. i don't want to get my heart broken.
2. i just haven't found the guy that i want to (and that God has sent) have a relationship with yet.

i haven't decided which one it is yet? maybe both? i know that when i find the right dood, i will let my guard down and want to get closer to him. :) i won't be afraid of heart break.

i know that God loves me and that His love is enough. but God also created me to want to be loved and cared for by a male in a relationship. so me feeling this way isn't wrong.

i just have learn't that i have to trust God in this. He is teaching me patience.

i only ask for two things from a dood:

1. love God before me.
2. be honest and faithful to me and love me for me.

i don't find that too much to ask to be honest. i think it is quite simple. do you think i'm asking too much??

well, i am going to pray that God send me the write man, and that He does it in His time. i am learning patience. it's hard, because i am tired of being lonely. but, God has a perfect plan. i do know that.

oh, love.

that is all. just what's on my brain.

<3