"Time & Confusion."

Friends may come and go. But God will always provide you for good. You may get separated from the ‘old ones’ But you’ll meet ‘new ones’. -Madea

the past few years of my life have been some of the best and toughest years of my life. i have found that friends come and go, no matter the promises to stick together. i have learn’t that not everyone cares. i have learn’t that some people will use you. and i have learn’t that no matter how nice you are, not everyone will accept you. but despite the hurt that has come with these years of my life, i have learn’t lessons. and it’s not that everything has been bad; i have learn’t to forgive. i have learn’t to truly care for someone and want the best for them. i have learn’t that some friends are still there, no matter what. i have learn’t that family means so much. i have learn’t that this life is so much more than about me. i have found my calling in life, and i have found that i have a passion for serving others for Christ drives my very being. i have learn’t how much i love people in general. i have learn’t from my past many lessons on life.

as some chapters of my life are closing, some shorter than i anticipated, i am finding that other doors open. it’s crazy, and by no means easy. but God has a plan, and His plan is always good. it always has been.

i am so thankful for a God who loves me so much, that He sent His Son to die for my sins, so that i might be saved.

<3

if my walls could speak.

"you'd know the truth if these walls could sing." -Anberlin

sitting on my bed tonight, i gazed at my walls. they are COVERED in posters of bands, drawings, pictures, concert countdowns, concert tickets, set lists, etc. as i looked at all this, it occured to me that my walls represent my life, in more ways than one. yes, they show the things i love, but on a deeper level, they represent how i cover pain..

my walls have seen me at my happiest times, my smile that truely meant something, my joy, my love, my kind spirit, my lowest times, my weakest times, my most hurful times, when i have hit rock bottom, they heave felt my anger from my fists, they have seen me want to give up, they have seen me tremble, scream, cry.. you name it, these walls have been there to experience it.

all the posters, pictures, and such are symbolic of my cover up of all the pain.. these bands, these pictures, these pieces from concerts, they are all part of the happiness in my life (i do have other happy parts of my life, but stick to the symbolism of the things on my walls here, that's the point of this.). i put them over the walls, covering up any pain they have seen, any hurt.

it's kind of how i feel. i just "tape" on my smile and pretend that i don't ever hurt, that i don't have sad times, that i don't have negative feelings. i cover it all up. i don't want sympathy; i don't want or need it. i feel if i can keep a smile on and it makes someone else smile, it gives me fulfillment that everything is ok. and for that, i am thankful that i have the capability to continue smiling through everything. seeing someone else smile, and making their day just through a smile, well, that keeps my smile going. :) that and hoping people see Christ's Love in me. :) (and of courseeee, love from the people i care about keep my smile going..)

but my walls? they see all my emotions.

that was just something i was thinking about as i peered at my walls.

"don't tell me that it's just bad luck. when will i find where i fit in?" -A Day To Remember.

-haley