relationships.

to anyone who cares to listen, here is my thoughts on what a "relationship", as in boyfriend and girlfriend, should be:

some of you may think i have no room to talk, or some of you may agree with me. but, from my experience and watching and learning from those around me, i have learn't some things.

i believe that a relationship is something not to be taken for granted or that it shouldn't be one-sided. one of the biggest things that cause problems in relationships is jealousy. personally, i think each person in the relationship should TOTALLY be able to have friends of the opposite sex. it helps with advice, and there is NOTHING wrong with friendships. from someone such as myself, who has way more dood friends than chick friends, i would HATE to lose them. BUT, along with that, i believe there should be some respect following that, and i don't mean "rules", i meant what i said, respect. i don't believe you should be one on one with someone of the opposite sex, unless you and your bf/gf have come to terms on how good of friends you and that one person are, and how long ya'll have been friends. there are ways to treat a friend of the opposite sex and there are ways NOT to. i mean, it should be CLEAR who your bf/gf is and who you friend of the opposite sex is; there shouldn't be any question on which is which.

CHEATING: don't EVEN get me started because i could go on for days about how wrong it is. just let me leave it at this: if you're not happy with the person you are with, don't cheat on them, just leave them (in dating, if married, that's another story.) and if something would cause you to cheat, even if you 'didin't mean to', then stay away from whatever would cause you to cheat. cheating is STUPID.

know your boundaries. enough said.

don't spend every second of every day with your significant other. you all need some space, some friend time. don't drop everyone out of your life for one person.

my biggest advice? keep God first in a relationship. if you have that, then EVERYTHING else will fall into place perfectly.



just something i was thinking about.

build higher walls.

So I'll build my walls higher this time,
Thanks to you, baby.
If I'm not worth the fight,
Then let the war be settled.
Because I have no fight left in me.
My walls came crashing down,
When you sounded the battle cry.
But no worries.
I'll build my walls higher this time.
But no worries.
These walls are no match for my prince,
Who shall set my heart free.

better late than never..

i haven't (do i use 'wrote' or written'??) here in a long time.

life is very busy; why, with school and work, i hardly have time to even txt my friends that i normally txt on a regular basis. people are starting to think i 'fell of the face of the earth'. but i haven't, i'm just keeping busy. i am working on a place to find to volunteer, reading a lot more (right now, a book on human trafficking in america. it is more serious than it gets credit..), and i'm making more time for family. unlike most people my age, i find myself with family when i have free time. don't misunderstand, i hang out with my friends and have time with them, but i'm having more time with my family. i love it.

i am trying to get school over with so i can go where God wants me next.. i find school such a bore for me, considering i am a 'hands on' learner. sitting in a class room is not doing much for me. that is why i am planning on doing an internship with 1 of 2 companies after college, before i go on to my next *schooling. i can't wait. :)

life is throwing some challenges with health and all right now, and people thinking i forget them, but i am just trying to stay focused on my goals and living a life that is pleasing and honoring to God. i want that when people think of me, they think "that girl lives a life with a passion for Christ, and helping/serving others, and i want to live a life like that." <---- my goal for people to think of me.

i am so thankful to God for the gift of life, and know Him. <3

i just find myself so much happier the past few months, serving other people for Christ, because i have know for years, i have a passion for people that drives my very being.

love

i find myself lonely a lot lately.
don't get me wrong, i have friends. i have family. i love them all.
i'm talking that kinda lonely in that you want companionship.

i don't have that someone to cuddle with. i don't have that someone to hold me. i don't have that someone to give sweet kisses to. i don't have that someone to love me for myself and my imperfections. (friends&family don't count.) i don't have that someone to run and cry to for help when the world is sitting on my shoulders. i don't have someone to hold hands with. i don't have someone to sit out on the porch with and star gaze with me.

and i know what you're thinking: desperate.

i wouldn't say that. i'd say i'm experiencing a feeling God created me to feel; the longing for companionship.

i'm also scared as anything to get so close to someone again, because i had my heart broken. i feel like i push myself away from a dood if he tries to have a relationship with me. why do i do this? i have come down to two reasons of why i do this:

1. i don't want to get my heart broken.
2. i just haven't found the guy that i want to (and that God has sent) have a relationship with yet.

i haven't decided which one it is yet? maybe both? i know that when i find the right dood, i will let my guard down and want to get closer to him. :) i won't be afraid of heart break.

i know that God loves me and that His love is enough. but God also created me to want to be loved and cared for by a male in a relationship. so me feeling this way isn't wrong.

i just have learn't that i have to trust God in this. He is teaching me patience.

i only ask for two things from a dood:

1. love God before me.
2. be honest and faithful to me and love me for me.

i don't find that too much to ask to be honest. i think it is quite simple. do you think i'm asking too much??

well, i am going to pray that God send me the write man, and that He does it in His time. i am learning patience. it's hard, because i am tired of being lonely. but, God has a perfect plan. i do know that.

oh, love.

that is all. just what's on my brain.

<3

'your actions write the melody.'

life is just going really good for me.

i mean, yes, i am a little confused on where God wants me, what i am doing, and other things that just.. well, confuse me. but i am enjoying myself for the first time in while. i let myself get so down.. and finally, when i relyed more on my God, things turned around. (of course.) He will show me the way, no doubt.

this coming spring has a lot in store for me, to spread the Word in other parts of the world. :) i am so excited!

i feel lately, just.. i am content, yet i'm not, with life. content in that, my God is so working in my life and in my heart and loves me no matter how many times i have failed Him, my family being so supportive and loving, and i'm just enjoying the small things in life. :) but i'm not content in where i'm going (where does God want to use me?), how else can i help? am i showing the love of Christ to everyone i meet? how can i be more Christ like? why is the school system being so difficult? why can't i find a job? why do i let the good things slip out of my life and why do i hold back until it's too late? <---- these things puzzle me. and i do trust God, but i guess my impatience is being tested.

also something in my life.. i just (as i have written about before) have a passion for people that drives my very being. it eats at me. i get teary eyed just thinking about it. i want to help, but sometimes i feel trapped in: how can i help? i am working on that.. i want to do more, i reeeeally do. people NEED to see the love of Christ in me. all the time, every waking second.

prayers would be appreciated for guidance in my life. :) i know God is doing great things, and i need to learn to be patient with His timing.

His love is NEVER failing.

life update..

oh life, just when all seems to have hit rock botttom, God shows me he has other plans and that i should have just trusted him sooner (as He always does.). :)

life has been going really good. :)

friends are keeping me quite busy.. with playing left 4 dead and having zombie days. :) hahaha.

i start school in september, thank God. and i am applying for jobs EVERYWHERES. haha. :)

my family is doing good. everyone is keeping really busy with their time, but we all make time for each other. :) my family means the world to me, and i am BEYOND blessed to have a family such as the one i have. :)

i am now teaching sunday school for 9th grade girls, and wednesday nights i will be leading the 7th grade girls. :)

my schedule is quite full, but i like it that way.

working on many 'trips' in the near future. :) so excited, i really can't wait to see what God has in store for my life. i am enjoying this ride!

just a little catch up on what's going on here.

when everthing starts falling into place..

life, you amaze me..

i am currently working on a project that will help raise money to stop human trafficking and help feed the hungry. it's going to take a lot of time, but in the end, i think it's gonna be worth it. it's all in God's hands. after listeing to one of Anberlin's new singles, 'we owe this to ourselves', i was challenged to make a difference, so that's what i am going to strive for. it's time to make a difference in Christ's name.

i have learn't that i can't take control of everything. i am NOT in control. no matter how hard i try to be, want to be, or think i am; i have zero control. and i want God to have full control of my life, because i have found that when i try to direct my life, it does not go according to plan.

i have finally gotten a group of friends that i enjoy being around. :) we all have fun, laugh, and raid waffle house about three or so times a week. :) it's great. hahahaha. not to mention i have made other friends that really just are fun to be with, and we all get good laughs, have hair dying parties, and just enjoy each other's company. :) it's so fun.

that's all i got for now. just a little sharing. :)

toodles. :)

pointless post.

'well there's a million other girls who do it just like you, looking as innocent as possible to get to who they want.' <---- this one's for YOU. ha.

that's alllllll i'm gonna say on that matter.

moving on: i am so tired from this past week. we are talking like, hardly any sleep at all. but it was all because i have been hanging so much with my friends. :)

i am kinda re-thinking my whole life right now; like looking back on all i have done. the good, the bad, and the ugly. so much has happened in my life. i have great memories i must say. i have accomplished a lot. personal goals and other things. not to say i haven't had my share of mistakes. God knows, i'm not perfect. that's for sure.

phew.. this is a pointless blog really. i am exhausted. g'night. :)

<3>

ROLLERCOASTER OF LIFE.

whoever said life is a roller coaster.. you were right.

i'm at a point in my life that is swarmed with confusion. one minute everything is great, and the next it seems i've hit rock bottom.

i think i am a target for drama. no matter how much i wish and hope to avoid it, it always pin points me. i hate rumors more than anything. no matter what people say, they can spoil things. and they are HURTFUL. i guess that's just the way it has to be though. :(

i'm a person who tries to make everyone else happy. i am one person, i can't please you all. and i'm sorry. it may seem selfish, but don't i deserve some happiness, too?? just asking.

i just got to trust God. he knows what he is doing, thankfully. cause man, i sure don't sometimes.

i know that like harly ANYONE reads this, so it's a good place to get my thoughts out without getting crap for it. hahaha.

*sigh.

overandout.

learning who i am.

i can't dance or sing to save my life. i don't drink alcohol. i don't do drugs. i don't try to be someone i am not. i'm not perfect. i don't listen to music because you and the rest of the world say it's good.

i am HALEY:

i care about people deeply. i mean it when i say i love you. i can make you laugh. i can fight. i make mistakes. i have a relationship with God. i have feelings, whether you see them or not. i am too hard on myself. i wear my heart on my sleeve.

i'm tired of comparing myself to certain people. i am tired of thinking i am no good compared to those people, when in fact, i am happy with who i am. i'm not what everyone else wants, i am just me. take me or leave me. i can't make people like me, and i'm tired of trying. what i am, i am happy with.

a simple quote.

'the secret is that you have to really really know that the only difference between you and [a street prostitute] is God’s grace.' -Dave Fiquette

really think about this.. how true it is.

'F-A-N-A-T-I-C'

'i'm a f-a-n-a-t-i-c, fanatic. And I rep Christ till i d-i-e, fanatic. i'm not extreme, i'm redeemed with faith, to serve a God who's extremely great. i'm a fanatic.' -Lecrae

there is something inside me eating me alive. i have a passion for people. i have been ignoring it for a while now, not knowing how to answer to it, or feed it. i now know what it is.. God is moving in my heart. BIG TIME. my emotions are running wild. i want to cry, scream, and share Christ with those in need. people are in deep need of help and Christs love, people. we have got to do something.

'i only fear that there's no time left, to tell the world that there's no time left.' -Group 1 Crew

today, as i was downtown, i realized how many people are truely hungry. america, it's time to get off our 'back sides' and DO SOMETHING, including myself. i won't tell how i realized this, because i feel that would be boasting if i shared the two stories that i have. therefore, just know that I DO KNOW that people in our town are hungry and NEED to be witnessed to. what are we doing? we go to church Sunday mornings and wednesday nights.. but what do we do the other five days a week? we have time for baseball games, football games, work, tv, and everything else.. do we have time to witness?? what happened to that? i speak for myself as well. instead of doing NOTHING, we should be doing what we ARE CALLED TO DO. everyone you meet should see the love of Christ in you. we need to step up the plate people. what i saw today is replaying over and over in my head. do you realize how many people don't even get meals some days?? while we shove food down our throats everytime we get the chance. what are we afraid of? stepping on someones toes? hurting someones feelings? making someone mad? pffff.. we need to GETOVERIT. did Jesus care what people thought of him? NO. if we are supposed to follow in Christ's footsteps, then what are we doing? we ALL (including myself) have a lot to do.

another point i have to make: i was on a TV show. and YES, i said a 'bad word'. i am getting criticized for saying that word and for portraying the character that i did on the show. YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? instead of criticizing me for cursing and and portraying a pot head, let me shed a little light for ya.. 1. i was ACTING. i was playing someone else, a REAL LIFE STORY. i am not a pot head and can be honest and say that i have never EVER did drugs! HONESTLY. 2. and as for the curse word, I WAS ACTING. do you think a pot head teenager is going to be sweet and innocent? NO. you know, i was asked to say f*$@ on the show, but i REFUSED to say it, and a guy in the show DEFENDED me and told the producers i was NOT going to say that word. THANKYOUVERYMUCH. i do have morals people. come on now. 3. i portrayed a pot head, yes. instead of criticizing me for that, maybe you need a reality check and realize there are REAL people like that in the world, and in our OWN town. how freakin sad is that? i have tears just thinking about it. and what are we doing to help those people? nothing. people sit around and talk smack about them, instead of trying to help them. what the heck? who are WE to cast judgement as Christians? don't put yourself ANY higher than ANYONE. you were once lost, and someone helped you and told you about Christs love. YOU GET OUT THERE AND DO THE SAME. you could be someones only hope in hearing about Christ. stop judging. you have NO right to judge. that is God's job, not yours. when you see someone doing something ungodly, instead of judging them, share the Gospel. it's what you ARE SUPPOSED to do.

*just remember, Romans 2:1 therefore, anyone of you who judges is without excuse.for when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same.

i can't begin to explain what i am feeling inside right now. but i am tired of sitting around, wasting my life, NOT helping other people. i have a sincere love for people, and i want to help. people need us as Chrsitans. my heart goes out to those in need. i am sitting here in tears now.. please, help me everyone. get out there and DO SOMETHING. make a difference. READ THE GREAT COMMISION. we are to make disciples of ALL nations, INCLUDING our own. we ALL, and myself, need to do what we are called to do.

i am not perfect. i am a sinner just like everyone else, in need of my Savior. i just feel God moving in my heart and want to challenge everyone, as i am being challenged by God.

'the gospel hit my heart. i guess that's what they call a heartattack.'

'make disciples of all nations, teach em to obey the Lord. hate to never lead someone to Christ before i face the Lord.' -Lecrae

it has been forever, basicaly.

i haven't blogged in a loooooong while.
since the last time i wrote, i have been on a mission trip to new orleans..

i want to move there.

seriously. i fell in love with that place. the different cultures, the people, the sites.. i encountered cultures that i have not ever experienced. those poeple NEED more missionaries there. [i totally agree that other countries need missionaries, but we need to be missionaries to people IN OUR OWN COUNTRY, too.] but, back to my point.. they need open minded people who will just LISTEN to them. yes, we should share the gospel with them, but we need to listen to them as well. we do not have to agree with them, but listen. THEN explain.

*time out*
why don't we as Christians be more open minded? who did Christ hang out with? yes, he surrounded himself with 12 disciples.. but who did he preach to? not the saved. he preached to the lost. LISTEN people.. take the time to listen to people around you. understand where they are coming from, then, if what they believe is NOT what the bible says, tell them about Christ and His love and what he did for you, me, and them, and why what the believe is wrong. don't shove things down their throat. judging people and shoving religion down their throat DOES NOT get them anywhere. so as i said, if someone is not living the life they should be, listen to their side as well, then explain why they are wrong and what God says about things. we as Christians need to STEPITUP! <---- i include myself. WE need to fix this everyone, before it's too late.

*time in*
i went into a voo doo shop while in new orleans, to see what it was like. a lot of people didn't like the idea that i did that. little do some know, i had a talk with the guy working in their about religions and about Christ. i believe he still thought he was right, but i planted just a tee tiny seed, that hopefully will one day blossom. PRAY people. don't look down upon.. PRAY.

anyways, in all this.. i know i want to share Christ's love with people. i enjoy doing it and want to continue. and i can do it every day, every where i go. i don't have to wait until i am placed somewhere to share Christ's love. i can do it at work and everywhere i go.


i am at a very confused stage in my life. between my health, work, and just other things.. i feel so confused. i need to spend more time in God's word. i know he will help me through it, it's just hard.
:( i just need prayer, for i feel i'm at a stopping point, and don't know what to do. i know God has a masterful plan ready for me.. i just need a little push in where to go now..

that's all i have to say for now. i actually could spill TONS more, but for now i am going to leave it at this.

just LISTEN people. you can learn so much that way.

'make disciples of the nations. teach em to obey the Lord. hate to never lead someone to Christ before i face the Lord.' -Lecrae

BLOGGING?!

i haven't blogged in days. shame on me. pffff. life has been going good. :) working a lot!

God has also been showing me that i need to help in my community more. if i want to do His work, why not start right at home? i am in the progress of working on helping others. it's time for me to be a servant, such as Jesus did to those around Him. i mean, if the KING of all can serve others, why should i not?

i'm finding that i am a real 'people person'. and i don't mean that in an egotistical way at ALL. i just mean that.. i get along with everyone. i'm just, me. i don't try to 'fit in' anymore. i am finally happy with who i am. i have always been pretty self concious of myself. but i am silly, clumsy, outgoing, and honest. i'm not perfect. i make mistakes. just me. <----- random, but just needed to get that out. haha.

since i last blogged, i have gone on a hike with ryan. he did an AMAZING photo shoot for me.. to add to my portfolio. :) thanks!

i am working a lot now. two jobs. pulling doubles. it's intense, but it will all pay off when i get my new car. :)

hope whoever reads this is having a great day. :) i know i SURE am. :) woo woo!

if anyone needs prayers, let me know. i would be glad to pray for ya. :)

toodles.

emotions.

emotions are radical.

i always wonder if people feel their emotions the way i do? when i experience a certain emotion, i feel it full force. it consumes my whole being. i experience feeling things such that feeling deep in your stomach. some of my emotions make me physically just worn out; from shaking, crying, throwing up (nervousness mainly), to the smiling and laughing.. the list goes on and on. just, when i experience an emotion, i feel it deep into my bones. it's pretty intense. each emotion portrays itself so different in me.

the thing about my emotions.. i can hide them if i really want to. most of the time i don't hide my emotions. i see no point in hiding how i feel about something. so if you ask me how i am feeling or what i think about something, i am going to be honest. but there are occasions that i can hide how i am feeling.. such as when i am sad. i can hide it really good. sadness hurts. i'm such a happy person, so when i experience sadness, i don't want to send sad vibes to anyone else. i like just keeping it to myself (possibly spilling it to one of my best friends) and going on with the happy person that i am.

speaking of me being happy.. i am truely a happy person. i LOVE smiling and laughing. if you see me, you will 99.9% of the time see a smile slapped on my face. i LOVE it. laughter and smiling are two of the greatest things EVER. i only hope that my smile and laughter can spread to others that are around me, because i am just that kind of person. i love living life and taking it on by storm, and laughing and smiling along the way. :)

just something on my mind.

toodles.